been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
