I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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