There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
even my farts smell like vagina
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
