if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
