I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
