I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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