i was born a porn star she said
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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