Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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