I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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