I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
