sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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