That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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