He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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