you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
