thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank