I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.