Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.