is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions