areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.