Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
