just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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