Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
