between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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