K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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