Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
