I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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