I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
