Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
