Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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