Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize