I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
