i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
