So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think I sprained my soul last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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