my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
