So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
MIDGETS
????
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
