Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
