I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
