Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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