I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
