my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
