He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
