I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
