Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
