You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this boner is exhausting
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
