Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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