I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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