Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
