Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
These tits shall not be calmed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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