so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there's paper in my vomit.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
