I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
