remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
