We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You are a genius and a whore.
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