smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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