upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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