My room smells like vodka and shame
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
