Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
