How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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