I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
