I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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