i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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