i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...so i touched it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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