Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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