ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
