He told me they were just razor bumps!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
