I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
