gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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