Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
