your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
