id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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